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Everyone Has A Bad Day 
When I first started this blog its main purpose was to keep people, both in Australia and here in the UK, up to date. So many of you were concerned and, especially with the time delay between here and Oz, it is not always easy to talk. I kind of thought that maybe it would be a learning curve and a way for some people to accept that a diagnosis of breast cancer is not necessarily a death sentence. My first internet search on the day of diagnosis led me to an excellent website www.BreastCancerCare.org.uk I started to read the online diary of a remarkable lady called Kelly. And I cried with relief. She spoke about all aspects of her journey through breast cancer with wry humour and wit. I thought “Thank God, this doesn’t have to be all serious business with hushed whispers and doom and gloom”. She made an immediate difference to the way I began to deal with this.

When I started writing the blog I couldn’t help but make light of the situation. Sometimes I think, in fairness to people who have experienced breast cancer or who may do in the future, I should give more details of procedures and the emotional rollercoaster ride, but laughter IS the best medicine.

However I have to tell you that I am not on a happy page today. This house is a sickbed of four patients. Ali is unwell with a cold and has stayed home, my Mum is in a lot of pain due to a benign tumour in her foot which was meant to be operated on in Australia this week, and poor Jonathan is so stressed, tired and miserable he was awake in the night feeling physically sick; thinks he may have flu. And I just have cancer. I look out the window at the bleak, grey sky and feel that, to quote a most famous poet, I have been served up a “slice of toast”.

So I am sulking all day today. Bugger off and leave me alone. My chest hurts, my side hurts, my armpit is smelly but I can’t even wash the skin because it is so tender. I just lent over to pick up the phone and nearly wrenched both drains out of the wounds. I am cold and sun-deprived and I can only stare, open-mouthed, at the prosthesis the breast care nurse pulled out of her boob bank to give me to wear. I am sure I am getting bed sores and Andi and Jeff have the audacity to disappear to sunny Malta and are, at this moment, reclining in the golden sunshine! (do they have internet cafes out there – “Come back now, joke’s over!” ) And, at 2am this morning I ate the last chocolate reindeer then spent the next 45 minutes wondering if the little golden bell around his neck would make a suitable substitute nipple. And to rub salt into the wound, specifically the large red gash running vertically across my chest, apparently there is a glossy new poster at MY gym advertising the January launch of Body Attack – the amazingly exhilarating new class THAT I AM MEANT TO BE TEACHING. That would be the same amazingly exhilarating class that my lovely boss was happy to let me GET EVERYONE EXCITED ABOUT. And that would be the same amazingly exhilarating class that my two gorgeous, young, fit (beautifully breasted) colleagues will now be launching very competently WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!! Probably about the same time that I will be beginning to competently master a left arm forward raise with a feather. Am I sounding a bit bitter? Or just acerbic? (that means direct and cruel, Glenda, (love you bridesmaid) ).

Yep, what’s worse than a slice of toast when you were expecting a roast? A cold crust with no butter or vegemite on it. Served up on a paper plate…….a dirty, paper plate….
Now I’m going to read my poem again and see if it’s late night lameness or profoundly perfect poetry. Let’s hope the next page is a better one…..Deb xxxxx

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A Poem For You 
1 am and I can't sleep ....again. I have just made up a poem for you. Are you ready?

Life is like a box of chocolates, some are soft and gooey,
Sometimes you might find one that is uncomfortably chewy.

Life is like a florist shop with blooms of every hue,
Some make you sing, some make you sigh and some just make you spew.

Life is like a family meal, an everything added Sunday roast,
And it makes you feel pretty shit when all you get is toast.

What do you think? Have I missed my calling. Better go to sleep.Now where are those sleeping tablets?
Deb x

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It's Me Again 
Hello to you all. My dear dad has bought me in a laptop and portable modem so am able to connect for a half hour or so. I have just read your comments and I can't believe how many wonderful friends have logged on. Please don't worry about me. All is good now really. I am moving and not feeling sick anymore. Tragically, however, I am unable to yet come to terms with my most recent loss ; my sense of taste for the delicious Lindt chocolate reindeers. They are stockpiling here and gazing at me, forlornly nodding their little golden heads in acknowledgement of my lack of interest. I am sure my appetite for chocolate will return soon and hopefully before my stash is smuggled into the mouths of three salivating children!
I even did a few lunges tonight (20 each leg) and some squats and stretches. Sadly my exercise routine came to a rather abrupt end when I underestimated the length of the drain tubes and my modified Warrior 2 yoga stance became a little 'knotted up'. After some disentangling I resorted to a Sudoku puzzle. I could not complete the first set of press ups with any degree of reasonable technique, however, so will focus on reaching for the chocolate reindeers hourly to exercise my arm and entice my taste buds back into action.
I will not comment on this hospital but I will say that the surgeon does seem to have done a neat job. I have yet to find out why the operation was so long but I know they took all the lymph nodes they could find and really delved high into my armpit to get as many as they could. I think I have a meeting with the surgeon tomorrow but he will not tell me much anyway. Just have to wait for those all important results which should come early next week. Only then will we know what type and grade of cancer it is and then more waiting to see the oncologist to establish what the treatment plan will be.
I am sorry I am not so sparky tonight but

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