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Deb's Day - Drains Out Today
Drains Out Today 
Today I feel low.....lower than a pair of low rise hipsters on a Sumo wrestler.....Been spending too many late nights reading discussion forums on cancer websites (reputable ones) about secondary cancer and chemo etc. Not great bedtime reading......

One good thing today; district nurse came to take drains out so I am no longer tethered to drains and tubes. I was very nervous about the procedure so SMSd Wendy for hand-holding (yes I know I am a chicken) but in actual fact it was not painful really.

Angela, I know you will have looked this up but for those who don't know, as I had mastectomy and axillary clearance (which means several lymph nodes were removed) two drains are kept in place to drain the fluid - one of the functions of the lymphatic system - to prevent build up of fluid and swelling. When I get the results one of the important issues will be whether or not the cancer has spread to the lymphatic system. If it has there is obviously a much greater risk of the cancer spreading or having spread already. If the lymph nodes are negative for cancer my overall prognosis will be much better. Just one of the answers I can't wait to be told.....

See you in the soup x

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You Won't Believe This! 
It is now 1.15am and of course I can't sleep....but you are not gonna believe this! I heard Jakey moaning in his sleep so went to check on him. He was lying in the middle of the floor with his little head using Big Tigger as a pillow. With much of a struggle my one good arm pulled him back into bed. Checked on Ali. She is lying upside down in her bed with no covers on. Had to wake her to get her back. Tess and Jono are sleeping downstairs in the loungeroom because Tess has been vomiting since 10pm....and still is judging by the sounds of things. And my mum is snoring so loudly the whole house is reverberating!!!! Wendy will hear and come over in a minute. Can you believe that? I should have stayed in hospital. Oh, you gotta laugh really.....
Will try some lavender oil now i think......xxx

PS Note to myself to tell you about my fab new idea....tomorrow.

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My Brother and family 

Penny sent me this last night. My brother, lovely wife Penny and gorgeous baby Zaiden. Taken in Perth of course. Pen, tell baby Den I will send him a photo of a REAL beach....with stones on! Penny you have obviously given up takeaways - you look fab! Is Wayne eating them? Love you lots, can I join you next summer? Deb xxxxx

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Everyone Has A Bad Day 
When I first started this blog its main purpose was to keep people, both in Australia and here in the UK, up to date. So many of you were concerned and, especially with the time delay between here and Oz, it is not always easy to talk. I kind of thought that maybe it would be a learning curve and a way for some people to accept that a diagnosis of breast cancer is not necessarily a death sentence. My first internet search on the day of diagnosis led me to an excellent website www.BreastCancerCare.org.uk I started to read the online diary of a remarkable lady called Kelly. And I cried with relief. She spoke about all aspects of her journey through breast cancer with wry humour and wit. I thought “Thank God, this doesn’t have to be all serious business with hushed whispers and doom and gloom”. She made an immediate difference to the way I began to deal with this.

When I started writing the blog I couldn’t help but make light of the situation. Sometimes I think, in fairness to people who have experienced breast cancer or who may do in the future, I should give more details of procedures and the emotional rollercoaster ride, but laughter IS the best medicine.

However I have to tell you that I am not on a happy page today. This house is a sickbed of four patients. Ali is unwell with a cold and has stayed home, my Mum is in a lot of pain due to a benign tumour in her foot which was meant to be operated on in Australia this week, and poor Jonathan is so stressed, tired and miserable he was awake in the night feeling physically sick; thinks he may have flu. And I just have cancer. I look out the window at the bleak, grey sky and feel that, to quote a most famous poet, I have been served up a “slice of toast”.

So I am sulking all day today. Bugger off and leave me alone. My chest hurts, my side hurts, my armpit is smelly but I can’t even wash the skin because it is so tender. I just lent over to pick up the phone and nearly wrenched both drains out of the wounds. I am cold and sun-deprived and I can only stare, open-mouthed, at the prosthesis the breast care nurse pulled out of her boob bank to give me to wear. I am sure I am getting bed sores and Andi and Jeff have the audacity to disappear to sunny Malta and are, at this moment, reclining in the golden sunshine! (do they have internet cafes out there – “Come back now, joke’s over!” ) And, at 2am this morning I ate the last chocolate reindeer then spent the next 45 minutes wondering if the little golden bell around his neck would make a suitable substitute nipple. And to rub salt into the wound, specifically the large red gash running vertically across my chest, apparently there is a glossy new poster at MY gym advertising the January launch of Body Attack – the amazingly exhilarating new class THAT I AM MEANT TO BE TEACHING. That would be the same amazingly exhilarating class that my lovely boss was happy to let me GET EVERYONE EXCITED ABOUT. And that would be the same amazingly exhilarating class that my two gorgeous, young, fit (beautifully breasted) colleagues will now be launching very competently WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!! Probably about the same time that I will be beginning to competently master a left arm forward raise with a feather. Am I sounding a bit bitter? Or just acerbic? (that means direct and cruel, Glenda, (love you bridesmaid) ).

Yep, what’s worse than a slice of toast when you were expecting a roast? A cold crust with no butter or vegemite on it. Served up on a paper plate…….a dirty, paper plate….
Now I’m going to read my poem again and see if it’s late night lameness or profoundly perfect poetry. Let’s hope the next page is a better one…..Deb xxxxx

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